The Alchemical Boy

message for Kalexigron

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:42:07 -0500

I got your private message (eventually - it went to my spam folder) but I can’t figure out how to reply privately - the messaging link on your blog doesn’t seem to be working right. Do you have another way I can contact you?

raindropblue: For some reason the cycle track near my house was...

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 03:01:44 -0400

raindropblue:

For some reason the cycle track near my house was just full of these this summer. I’d never even seen one in real life before, and suddenly MILLIONS.

That looks like a Burnet moth. I’ve only seen one once round here.

kat-adrianmiller: “If she went to sleep in a magical position, knees crooked just right, head at a...

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 10:13:16 -0400

kat-adrianmiller:

“If she went to sleep in a magical position, knees crooked just right, head at a magical angle, fingers all crossed one over the other, in the morning she would be a boy.”—East of Eden by John Steinbeck (pg. 246).

I never read this book but I used to think exactly that when I was little.

It's about time...

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 10:01:00 -0400

…I resurrected this blog.

Since I last wrote here, there’s been quite a bit of development. After a few delays and hiccups I finally started T on 15 August. I’m on Sustanon, once every 4 weeks, and I had my second shot last Monday.

I totally wasn’t expecting changes to happen so quickly.

The first thing I noticed was dick growth. OMG. It was tiny to start with and within 2 weeks it was over half an inch, although it did shrink back a bit towards the latter part of the first 4 weeks, and it’s just now getting back to where it got up to.

I am definitely hornier than usual (but that’s not hard either considering that I have a very low sex drive normally) but it’s not to the point of annoyance or distraction. I have also managed to reach orgasm without the use of a vibe, for the first time in 20-odd years.

In the first few days after starting T I suddenly felt very tired, and needing 10 hours sleep instead of my usual 7. Thankfully that didn’t last long: going to bed at 10pm really sucks.

My voice. I first noticed a change in my speaking voice about 2 weeks after the first shot, when I had to listen to a recording of one of my calls at work. It definitely sounds different on a recording, though it didn’t (at the time) sound different to me when speaking. The next thing I noticed was that I could sing in the lower part of my range more easily and that my natural pitch dropped about a tone and a half. Over the last few days it’s dropped again, and now I defintiely notice a difference when I’m speaking, and I’ve dropped about another tone in singing. I’m now finding it very hard to sing at the same pitch I used to. I’m not having trouble with pitching lower though; I was worried that my voice would be all over the place but it’s not; I’m able to keep it nicely under control.

I am definitely not a soprano any more.

No body hair as yet, but I do have a couple of new whiskers on my chin and I’m needing to shave them every other day otherwise I end up fiddling with them all the time. Actually no, my pubes are a little thicker, and they’ve started to creep down the inside of my thighs.

My appetite hasn’t increased as much as I thought, and I haven’t had any outbreak of acne (except for one little pimple that only lasted a couple of days).

I have a visit to Charing Cross before my next shot. I’m actually really looking forward to it this time.

fantastic day

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 15:35:01 -0500

I thought my appointment was 11.30, turned out it was 11.00 but in any case I was more than half an hour early anyway. The walk from the Travelodge was only 15 minutes. When I got there the doctor saw me straight away, I didn’t even have to wait. He was very nice, asked lots of question about my life, past and present, and finished off by asking me what I wanted for the future. I said, basically, that my next priority is getting onto hormones. He said that I have to be seen again by another doctor in April, but “…if he agrees with me, we should get you a reccommendation on that visit.” After that he sent me up to the hospital to get blood samples taken, and that was pretty quick too. The needle didn’t even hurt (and she took 6 or 8 vials - I lost count).

So then I had 8 hours to waste. I went to the Victoria and Albert museum on Leslie’s suggestion, then on to Leicester Square for a late lunch. Disappointing, that - the square itself was all boarded up for redevelopment work. After that I went up Oxford Street (didn’t buy anything) and ended up back at Eustn by 5 because I was bored and tired. Wasted an hour and a half in Costa Coffee and the last hour in a pub up the road, and now I’m on the train on the way home.

I have to admit that despite some last minute nerves (it took me 2 hours to get to sleep last night - and no Alice that wasn’t your fault!) I was pretty confident about this appointment, and I wasn’t in any way disappointed. It’s less than 3 months to my next one and finally I can see it all falling into place.

He said that after April there’ll be a third to follow up on how the hormones are going and to discuss further options for top surgery. That would have to be a minimum of a year after going fulltime (which is counted from last August when I changed my name) so it’s possible I might even get that far before the end of the year.

It’s crossed my mind that they might be fast-tracking me because of my advanced age *cough*.

Someone in this train carriage is playing the harmonica. How lovely.

Ten days and counting

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 14:39:10 -0500

I haven’t posted here for ages, mainly because my progress has been pretty much zero, and nothing worth writing about has happened since my last post. But the countdown is getting close to the wire now. Ten days from now (actually ten days from this morning) is my first appointment at Charing Cross. I’m getting very nervous now, but also excited. They better not cancel it on me now.

The main thing that’s making me nervous is the doctor I’m seeing (Ahmad). I can’t find anyone who’s actually seen this doctor (I don’t even know if the doctor is male or female) so I have absolutely no idea what to expect, whether they’re good or bad or indifferent.

I should have told my parents by now but I haven’t, and it’s probably not going to be possible before I go. I was meant to visit them before Christmas but that got cancelled because of the snow, and I really REALLY don’t want to tell them over the phone or in an email. It’s got to be in person. I hope this won’t make it difficult with the doctor; I know they like you to have told everybody before they let you start treatment.

I guess in ten days I’ll know.

I’ve been wanting to get a suit for ages but always felt...

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 10:50:00 -0400

I’ve been wanting to get a suit for ages but always felt it an extravagance as I would probably never go anywhere where I need to wear one. Well, next week I’m going to a swanky Italian restaurant, so today I went shopping. (apologies for the crappy quality, the light wasn’t so good. Hopefully I’ll be able to get a better one next week).

jakksays: so even when I THINK somebody said my birth-name I get this twisting feeling in my...

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 10:48:12 -0400

jakksays:

so even when I THINK somebody said my birth-name I get this twisting feeling in my gut….

This happens to me too. There’s a girl in my office who has my birth-name and every time I hear someone call it out I look round, cringing for a moment until I realise they’re not talking to me at all.

dilemma

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 03:06:47 -0400

So I have a dilemma.

There is a family “funeral” on Nov 8th and I’m supposed to be going. (It’s not a true funeral; this is one of Leslie’s aunts, who lived in Canada. The funeral and cremation has already happened but now Leslie’s cousin is bringing his mum’s ashes back to be interred with other family members. Nonetheless there will be a short religious service as the family are all Catholic).

Now, I no longer own any womens’ clothes. Certainly none suitable for a funeral.

So my dilemma is this:
1) Buy a whole new outfit, including shoes and make-up, and go as a woman.
2) Turn up in a suit and tie and shock them.
3) Call them in advance and tell them I’m transitioning and would like to wear male clothes for it (this will alomst certainly result in me not being welcome there ever again and certainly not at the service).
4) Make up an excuse why I can’t go (can’t get time off work - which isn’t true, I am already off that day.).

(#2 is only in there for completeness’ sake. I have no actual intention of doing that).
(#3 is something I’m very reluctant to do because I wanted to tell people face to face and I certainly want to tell my own parents before I tell Leslie’s parents, and I won’t have the opportunity to do that til Christmas. But if there is any reason why #1 or #4 are Very Bad or Very Wrong then I’ll have to start sending emails instead.)

Opinions?

I LOL’d

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 06:46:56 -0400

I LOL’d

Ask me

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 20:05:00 -0400

Because I can’t figure out how to make Tumblr work for asking questions, I have a Formspring instead. Ask me something.

now is greater than the whole of the past: Intro

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 15:11:58 -0400

now is greater than the whole of the past: Intro:

nowisgreater:

So yeah. I decided to start this blog to talk about my transition and trans stuff in general. So here’s a little bit about me.

One reason I really wanted to blog about my transition is that although there are a ton of transition blogs out there, they are all by really young guys. I’m 34 and just…

I was just about to say hey, you’re not alone, I’m starting transition at 43, and what a coincidence I’m on DW too… then I looked at the link and saw who you are. *grin* Good to see you over here.

Letter re title change

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 14:10:55 -0400

A bit of backstory - I legally changed my name and title about 6 weeks ago to start my “real life test” and when I tried to get my title changed with my company pension, they initially refused. This is the letter I wrote back, with which I successfully got them to agree with me. I though that other trans people in the UK might find it useful.

Dear ….

Please find enclosed my certified Deed Poll as requested.

I was disappointed that when I spoke to [name] she was unwilling to change my title to Mr and I would like to raise the following points.

A deed poll is a legally binding document and comprises title as well as name.

It is not a requirement to change gender legally in order to change title. I am legally free to use whatever title I wish, provided that it does not infer professional qualification, military rank or aristocratic title.

[name] asked for “proof of surgery” when in fact no such thing exists for transsexual people. She may be referring to the Gender Recognision Certificate which allows for legal change of gender. A GRC is issued only after a person has been living in the new name and title for a minimum of 2 years and surgery is not a requirement to obtain one.

It is illegal to ask to see the GRC: the GRC allows gender to be changed on the birth certificate and that should be taken as sufficient proof of gender change.

I do not, at present, care if you leave my gender on your file as “female” because I am aware that there are different rules regarding the pension. But I do require that my title is changed to Mr and shown as such on all correspondence. The reason for this is that I am required to provide such documentation, including dates and title, to prove that I am now living in a male role. Without such evidence I would not be able to obtain a GRC in the future.

For further information regarding the legal aspects of name and title change, please refer to the following document: http://www.pfc.org.uk/files/NameChanges_0.pdf The whole website http://www.pfc.org.uk is full of useful information on the legal aspects of transition.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Lewis …

I know this is very UK-focussed and won’t be much use for those of you in the US or elsewhere but you may be able to adapt it to suit your own local laws. Feel free to copy away.

The Almighty Roo Says.....: Does the "T" belong in LGBT?

Sun, 12 Sep 2010 18:07:56 -0400

The Almighty Roo Says.....: Does the "T" belong in LGBT?:

jakktheroo:

Interesting debate that was brought up in a conversation with a fellow FTM the other night. Both of us agree that the “T” does not belong, as the LGB community if one of SEXUAL minority while we are a GENDER minority. But grouping out community with thier it seems to cause problems with defining…

Very interesting debate over here. I often encounter transsexuals, particularly those who after transitioning, identify as straight, who don’t identify as being associated with the LGB part of the spectrum and who sometimes resent being attached to it. Personally I find that there are advantages in being attached to the LGB community - in particular, that we often encounter the same kind of prejudices and so we can also benefit from the same kind of resources and support as the LGB community. Also I think that most trans people will encounter the LGB community at some point in their lives as (unless their sexuality changes along with transition) they will in most cases belong to the LGB community either before or after transitioning. So pretty much all of us will identify as being LGB at some point in our lives, either through past experience or future identification.

embarrasment averted

Sun, 12 Sep 2010 17:37:35 -0400

omg.

I was in a pub tonight with some people from the Humanist society, who know me only as Lewis, and as male.

Towards the end of the evening, who should walk in to the pub, but the guy who runs the Tuedsay folk club that I used to attend (until he and I had a major falling-out and I stopped going, over a year ago). But he knows me only by my former name, and as female.

Fortunately I managed to sneak out without him noticing me. But we’ll be meeting there every month and I’m sure this must be one of his regular haunts. So I think next time I will have to speak to him and tell him what’s going on.

Also fortunately it’s a very LGBT-friendly pub so if he kicks up any fuss (for instance about me using the gents toilets) I think the landlord would be on my side.

Actually I’m sort of hoping we can come to a reconcliation, because I miss that folk club.

Interesting evening

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 17:59:34 -0400

I forgot to post about this yesterday, but on Wednesday night I went to a meeting of the Greater Manchester Humanists for the first time. It was really interesting, and definitely something I want to explore in more depth.

The real fun thing was this though - it’s the first time I’ve joined a new social group in which I am completely stealth, presenting entirely as male, not revealing my trans-ness or femaleness in any way shape or form.

And though I talked, sometimes in depth, with many people, not once was my gender called into question. I didn’t even get any funny looks (not ones I noticed anyway). Considering I’m not even on T yet, I’m pretty damn pleased with that.

Downside: although my gender wasn’t questioned, my age was. One person expressed surprise that I was old enough to have worked at a place for 7 years. *facepalm* I felt like saying that I probably started work before he left infant school. But I didn’t, because I don’t really fancy trying to explain why I still look like a boy when I’m 43…

TRANSPRIDE: Dr. Ramachandran on trans people (re: phantom body parts)

Thu, 09 Sep 2010 17:56:32 -0400

TRANSPRIDE: Dr. Ramachandran on trans people (re: phantom body parts):

Some of you may have seen this article before, don’t know if it has circulated in the tumblr community…. Personally, I’m really interested in neuroscience, particularly empathy and emotions. V.S. Ramachandran’s pioneering work - and most cutting edge research on mirror neurons - fascinates me….

Interesting article here. I’ve had a phantom penis for as long as I can remember. Morning wood and everything.

Some days I just want to do my own gynecological surgery with a fucking rusty spoon.

Thu, 09 Sep 2010 03:30:01 -0400

Some days I just want to do my own gynecological surgery with a fucking rusty spoon.

Letter from Charing Cross

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:31:35 -0400

“Dear [name]

We are pleased to advise you that an earlier appointment has been made to attend the Gender Identity Clinic on January 24 2011…”

That’s brought it forward by almost 3 whole months, and now means that it’s going to be pretty much pointless bothering to pay to go private, as I was considering doing. Paying to be 5 months ahead seemed worth it but paying to save only 2 months doesn’t seem so much.

In unrelated news I seem to have acquired a free Typepad blog (thanks to Vox closing down) and seeing as I never used my Vox, I’m not really sure what I want to use this one for. A friend suggested moving my trans blog there, because it’s kind of more professional and also it allows comments and has a lot more nifty features than tumblr does. So I might do that, and use tumblr more as a Twittery thing instead.

Anyone know if there’s a way to auto-post Tweets to tumblr? Or even better, Plurk to tumblr?

Big Weekend

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 02:24:00 -0400

I’m going to be spending most of the weekend at the Pride big weekend, starting this evening after work. I nearly always miss it because we nearly always ended up driving down to Essex to see the in-laws on the bank holiday, seeing as it was an extra day off work. Now they’ve moved closer to us we don’t have to do that any more, so yay. We saw them LAST weekend, and this year I put my foot down, made my plans early and made it clear that this weekend is non-negotiable.

I will be involved in the march on Saturday, under the “Transgender Citizens” banner. The idea is to turn up wearing everyday clothes. I’m really looking forward to that. After the parade I’m volunteering on the TREC stall for 3 hours.